An Ignorant Homophobic Mother

This is a response to a story posted by Shirley A. Rorvik who described the experience of her son's coming out. Although it was published way back in 1997, this attitude is still relevant to the experience of today.

Her thoughts are very much one of "how does this affect me?".  She lacks the ability to truly see beyond her own religious beliefs, insecurities and hate.  I don't think she would ever have the ability to absorb what I'm about to write here in a truly thoughtful way.  So, I hope that this at least makes someone else out there think twice about having these kind of attitudes.

The rubbish of her statements are littered with the internal insecurities that rise through her inability to acknowledge that she might have more issues to deal with than her son.  I'm also pretty certain that her version of events are twisted toward her distorted view of the world around her.

Let us begin...

"I first became aware of how much I despised homosexuality when I worked at a savings and loan in 1981."

My name is ignorant, and I'm a homophobic...  There are places and people she can see for that mental problem.

"Don [not his real name], referred to as a "queer" in our small town,"

'Don' make me say this.  You know what they think about the minds of people in small towns...

"shoved his savings passbook across the counter for a large cash withdrawal."

 Goodness.  What a horrible, horrible man.  I'm surprised he didn't reach across the counter and slap her senseless.  Evil homosexuals.  And a large cash withdrawal?  Is this detail necessary?  Is there a problem with a homosexual having a lot of money?  Does she think this man gained it through some illegitimate way?

"He glanced over his shoulder and spoke to his companion, a good-looking boy of about eighteen. The boy laughed and his eyes met mine, full of mockery and challenge."

Firstly, she doesn't know they are sexual partners at all.  Secondly, it was probably a response to their sensing of her homophobia.  Have you ever seen a black person's stance toward a racist glance?  You get my point nigga.  Lastly, she was probably just jealous she could never draw in such a good looking lad.

"I swallowed hard and shuddered"

Don't go saying words like that dear... you might give us ideas...

"then handed Don the wad of bills, and they walked out arm-in-arm."

OH MY GOD!!!  Two people walking arm in arm.  What has the world come to?

"To pay off our debts, I sold our home, moved into an apartment, and started rebuilding my life." 

Typical.  The wife always gets the house.

"The end of our thirty-year marriage created an upheaval in my sons' lives."

How can the cause be proven?  How does she know that her attitudes toward this event didn't affect others around her which contributed to their issues?

"Then, on January 3, 1992, an emotional earthquake shattered my world."

Hers.  The rest of the world kept spinning intact.

"Coffee splashed as I slammed my cup on the table and threw down the letter. No, Tim couldn't possibly understand, or he'd never have written this."

Here we go...

" ' … I am who I am, and it's taken me thirteen years to be able to accept this. … '  Thirteen years? No. No, I'd have known. What about his girlfriends in high school and college? How could he be gay? What happened? Where had I failed? "

Well with a mother with her sort of attitude, I'm not surprised her son did the unthinkable to feel accepted.  Go against the nature of his sexual orientation.  What self-disrespect.

"I fell to my knees sobbing. Then pulling myself off the floor, I grabbed my keys, snatched up Tim's letter, and ran to my car, taking off in the winter night."

Drama queen.  Too many soap operas.  This leads to a series of dramatic and-the-universe-was-against-me events. But let us not waste too much space here.

"But, I said, homosexuality is a sin. "You're not alone, Tim. I'm here and Jesus is too. God loves you. Remember Romans 8:38-39?"

Remember Deuteronomy 28:53? Eat your children.  (I'm not kidding!)

"He told me of a couple more childhood incidents when older boys had threatened or bribed him into cooperating with their sexual indulgences."

Many children are subject to all kinds of sexual experiences.  None of them can turn anyone gay.

"Dad wanted to go to this gay bar."

Maybe it is genetic?

"I recalled other business trips when Tim was nine or ten. At the time, I was pleased my husband was spending time with this younger son. Did something happen then? I tried to question Tim, but he refused to talk about it. He didn't remember. He thought he'd had a happy childhood. I let it go."

I'm sure she hasn't.

"I received the names of two Christian men in San Diego who had renounced homosexuality and were available to counsel others."

I'm sure the part they forgot to tell her about is they are only convinced to change their behaviour.  You can't change someone's sexual orientation.  I could probably convince her to stop breathing.  But she would probably die.

"After Tim's letter in 1992, I regarded my adult son as a victim."

Of a mother's repressive and guilt trip mentality.

"'They' had caught and trapped him. 'They' were faceless, nameless, evil people. Homosexuals. Enemies."

I would say the same about her and religion.

"But God wasn't finished with me yet."

Because, if he exists, he must have a wicked sense of humour.

"Tim brought a friend home—a homosexual."

GOOD LORD!  Start piling the coals on the stake!  Hang on... hasn't she lived with a homosexual?  Possibly two? ;)

"I've learned to hate the sin while I love, or at least care for, the sinner."

Unfortunately, as with every other repressed group of people, if you hate in essence what they are, of which they are not at fault; and is in no way immoral or wrong; then you are closing yourself to the truth of who they are.  I feel sorry for this woman.

"Tim often brings homosexual friends when he comes to visit me and my new husband, Chuck."

First she divorced, then she remarried?!!!!  You're going straight to hell lady... do not pass Go.

"Tim never asks to stay overnight when he has a companion."

Which he possibly feels very sad about.  Just to keep her shattered world intact.  What stressful hell to go through.

"I am one small part of God's whole plan—perhaps I can plant one tiny seed, and the next one will plant the garden, and others will nourish it."

Sorry Mrs I'm-Ever-So-Delusional.  This world is coming to realise that this garden is one of acceptance of the truth that homosexuals are the same as everyone else and all that sin mumbo jumbo is a load of bible belting bollocks.

"Tim seems resigned to being homosexual"

So it IS true.  You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

"but he gives clues that he's not a practicing homosexual"

Time for her to get a clue.  What was I saying about her deluded fragile world?

"Only God knows the heart (1 Kings 8:39)."

My turn again!  (Leviticus:11:6)  The rabbit chews the cud!  I love this game!

"Even if Tim has strayed away, God hasn't moved. He'll be there when Tim chooses to resist the devil and listen to the Holy Spirit."

That is just one way to keep your head in the sand and not accept the truth.

"My son's life is far from happy, his future uncertain."

In her opinion.  Maybe his happiness isn't there because his mother will never truly understand that homosexuality isn't a sin, that no one is at fault, and that it is a perfectly legitimate sexual orientation.  Maybe he is sad that he can not truly be himself in front of her and share in his life completely.  Maybe the stress of hiding prevents him from sustaining a stable, long lasting relationship with the man he loves.

So okay, I've been pretty sarcastic (and mean) with some of my comments.  But seriously, if we can't politely and rationally drive truth through these space heads, then we might as well have a bit of fun in the process.

In the word of Phrag:

on 10/11/2007

Alcoholism = No big deal
Spousal Abuse = Just another part of marriage
Road Rage = Totally acceptable action for a full grown woman
Homosexuality = COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE, HORRIBLE SIN!

Why do people have such ***** up priorities in their morals?

Amen.

...or rather... A man!